Wednesday
Dec072011
I think therefore I am ...
Wednesday, December 7, 2011 at 01:24PM 
... going to have lunch
click on this link to watch my eating disorder video:
As you read through Bentleys Blog
do you begin to experience something different now
from any other time in your life?
Can you feel some kind of ecstatic force emanating from the text?
Or have you just had an excellent bowel movement?
a case of mistaken identity ...
It was the Winter of 2010 and we were out on the road during the Spot the Difference tour of the UK. After being cooped up inside our tour bus for several hours - we decided to stretch our legs - and other appendages on the forecourt of a service station on the M6 - like the Stones said "we can p**s anywhere".
Simon Hanson (a sort of Russel Brand with knobs on) suddenly begins running through our infamous dance routine in a hopeless attempt to get it right. The rest of the band spontaneously join in. Just then a Ford Transit pulls up at the pumps, a couple of Scousers jump out, and are immediately confronted by the ridiculous sight of five middle aged men choreographing a dance a routine to a backing of complete silence. It must have been like stumbling onto the set of Saturday Night Fever (?!?) We completed the routine reasonably successfully and everybody cheered and clapped. Then one of the Scousers approached us and asked ...
"Are yous de Happy Mundays?"
BLOGSPIRACY THEORY #1.
the iLLuminati - Knights Templar - the Masons -
New World Order - they're all out to get us -
and the nuclear death ray is pointed at YOU!
aaaaaaggh!
For those about to Blog - we salute you!
vicariously (what ever that means) add a pinch of salt - swallow them whole -here at Bentleys Blog Headquarters (where's that then?) we take your comments
and then throw 'em back up again!
So in honour of my 'Great Readership' ... l proudly present:
Bentleys Blog Top 10 Readers Comments ...
... read 'em and wee (p)
Topor
#1 ...
"at last - a literary experience I can use as a laxative!"
..... Colin Hatfield
#2 ...
"the more I read Bentleys Blog the less I know"
..... Rev. Swami Lovecorpse
#3 ...
"the best thing about Bentleys Blog is that it's free - can I claim
anything back for therapy?"
..... Vernon Steroid
#4 ...
"Ich bin ein gerfloggen!"
..... Stephen Large
#5 ...
"Last night I dreamt that I was abducted by Bentleys Blog - Now
THAT'S really scary!"
..... Ted Drummond
#6 ...
"Brrr it's cold outside ... more wise words from John the Blogtist
please to help me
through these Winter nights wrapped up by the telly, nappys
smelly ... can always
hose you down & whip you with a birch branch ... Tempted??
..... Viking Girl
#7 ...
"Whats this got to do with ze Pope?"
..... Keith Hale
#8 ...
"Are you part Yeti?"
..... Anon E Mouse
#9 ...
"Dem cum - deem go - deem melt like snow - who deem be? - Dem
Bombo!"
..... Bombo Combo
#10 ...
"Ahh Viking Girl - what would I do without you? ... Well there'd be
hardly any comments on my Blog for a start!"
..... el bloggo
(pause) ... yes yes yes
#11 ...
"your blog is a violation - an infestation - congratulation!!"
...... Oliver Mutant (deceased)
... and I'm sure you'll agree that's as true then as it was now!
Bentleys Blog Predictions for 2012 and 'One Step Beyond'
Nano robots in government inoculations will take control of our minds.
All health products derived from nature will be banned to make way for the drug cartels to make even more money by poisoning us with their chemicals.
Thousands will die of frustration listening to mind numbing electronic phone messages while hopelessly waiting in vain to speak to a human being.
Our wee wee will be recycled back to us and through us in our tap water.
But what's even worse is ...
... it's already happening!
the Cult of Blood Donor
KEITH HALE JB
In 1978 I went into Chappell Studios to record several tracks with cosmic euro rockersBlood Donor. Produced by iconoclast Steve James (son of Sid) the tracks have been remastered and released as "the Chappell Tapes". It seems that after 33 years the group have finally reached cult status! Led by innovative Keyboard Player Keith Hale, the bands line up also featured: film composer Simon Etchell - nut rocker Rikki Legair (deceased) - gong master Gordon Coxon - surrealist Charlie Stevenson (deceased) - and yours truly!
Click on the link below and have a listen to "Memory Gland".
thank you for ignoring the following message ...
What is Bentleys Blog? - is it part of a global conspiracy? Or just simply a way of eradicating unwanted hair? Are there mystical messages hidden in between the lines? Or is it just some kind of sick joke? Well I can confirm that it is (obviously) all of these things and yet none of them!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xmas is Cancelled!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Shock! Horror! 3 in-a-bed-romp Festive Season Scandal!
Xmas is Cancelled!
Yes - here @ Bentleys Blog Christmas is officially Kaput
(ho! ho ho!)
In fact we think it makes more sense to have it just
once every four years - like the Olympics or the World Cup.
what you need to do ...
envelope marked Xmas is cancelled - and if you're not 100%Just send a cash donation to Bentleys Blog in a plain brown
satisfied by the year 2014, we'll send you triple your money
back!
and now...
Bentleys Blog favourite chat-up numero uno
"can l buy you a drink or would you rather have the money?"
Chicken Holocaust
Pity the Poor Poultry ...
Chicken in a casket
Battery Farms = Death Camps ... and we're the Nazis!
How many chickens have you eaten in your life?
I've eaten 17,846!
see you in 2012 - till then ...
armageddon outa here!
John the Blogtist
acknowledgements ...
Bentley's Blog - Copyright information:
Feel free to reproduce this Blog in any way shape or form.
Any resemblance to actual events or people living or dead is totally done
on purpose.
A BIG thank you to
for providing me with such damn fine amplification!
Reader Comments (6)
Right, so firstly very upset that I am not in the top 10 blog comments, but then again, i'm not very funny, so that's probably why.
Loving the 'dance routine' vs scary people at the gas station story!
and what was with the picture of the chicken in the burger :( thats just sad!!!
Gotta love Mark Bass
xxxxxx
ho ho ho...it's all turkey roll from here!
Tempted!!?? Bah humbug....
Official Bentleys blog needs a literary agent then we can all purchase copies for Hannukah 2012...of course that's if we make it past !2th Dec 2011.....bring it on Mayan Prophecy!!
& what about Fluoride!!? even more potent than John Bentleys wee!
Oh & Christmas may be officially cancelled on the 3rd floor - however, we ARE indeed buying a tree & copious ammounts of fairylights darling! so BRING it on......tee hee
loving you Bentley!
Who Knows What Evil Lurks in the Hearts of Men?
Who Cares?
Yes Yes Yes ... Banning the Batteries would be a clucking good idea!!
Those poor little pluckers!
Re: "what's with the pic of the the Chick in the Bun?" Well I'm clucking annoyed about the suffering and exploitation of Chickens! Why do we have to sacrifice so many Chickens in order to fill up our bellys? What have they ever done to us? Seems to me that we are clucking prejudiced !